HYC post

Ok...my first post for this challenge. Thank you to those who have already stopped by to give out some encouragement!

My weekend went pretty well. Most of the weekend was spent working on my new house. Yardwork on Saturday and painted the living room on Monday. Saturday night went out to a friend's house for a BBQ...sat myself in front of the veggies and munched on carrots :) And she had a nice spread of chips and dip and skipped it all. Had some chips with my burger and that was it. Drank water most of the time, although I did have one beer.

Time seems to be a little on the short side this morning...much to do and waiting to hear when my niece or nephew enters the world sometime today :D

My new toy

Ok...I finally bought a scale yesterday. I haven't stepped on one in a long time, and wanted to see the damages. Or, thought I did.

It's really cool. Tells my weight, body fat and water percentage. This thing is pretty smart. Also you can change it if you are active or normal setting. The numbers were pretty harsh. Harsh, but honest. I like honesty.

Weight - 271 lbs
Body Fat - 48%
Water - 36%

Is this right?? 48% of my body is fat?? That has to change. Now. I think if I hadn't started putting some things into place before stepping on the scale, I would be so far down in the dumps right now, it would take a town to dig me out. I felt bad last night, but I'm better this morning.

Tonight, I have a challenge. A dinner. Food that I didn't have to cook and as much of it as I want. One of my biggest challenges. Tonight, for the first time, I will not treat it as a free for all. Find what I want, have a little, and set it aside. No seconds. Time to get rid of those numbers for good.

And then I said "yes"

Well, I knew this would be setbacks and accomplishments. I had a setback yesterday, but it's not stopping me.

You should have seen me..it was a race to see which one was the fastest.....my hand shoveling the food in my mouth or my mouth chewing and swallowing. I don't think either stopped until the plate was nearly clean. Unfortunately, there was no winner in this race...only a loser. But not for long. I dusted myself off, and ready to move on. I don't know what it is about eating out or someplace other than home...it's like "I don't have to be careful, I can eat whatever I want, and however much of it I want". I even knew it was gonna happen and wanted to stop it....and I went for it anyway.

The next time I am going to face this will be on Sunday. I am going to a friend's house for a BBQ. I don't want the same old results. I want to change and do something different and stick to it. And several opportunities the first week of June are going to test me as well. I can face these challenges and stop obsessing!

Ha! I said no!

It's so easy to tell my students "no!" But when it comes to me and food...I hate saying no. But I did it yesterday. More than once! And to some of my favorite food! Pizza...oreo cookies, homemade cupcake with chocolate frosting (I easily say no to the store bought ones, but not the homemade ones..esp with choc. frosting!!), and Quigley's (Irish Pub). I couldn't believe it. Day 3 and still making good choices! Ok, not all of them were perfect, but I was amazed that I could tell myself no to all those things! I've been doing awesome on water too. School gets out in a couple weeks and I hope that I can continue that momentum. I do great drinking water here, but at home...for some reason it's not as easy.

I have one challenge ahead...I forgot that I was going to be stuck here for a meeting tonight and so I didn't bring anything for dinner with me. Usually we go out as a faculty on days we have meetings because we are all sticking around. Going out will be a challenge. It's not like we don't eat at places that have good choices...it's me having trouble making a good choice. I go in with the best intentions, but end up feeling major guilt because I get something less appealing to the new healthy me.

One Step at a Time

And so it keeps going. Water. Food. Water. Water....lots of water *L*

I'm happy with how I've been doing so far this week. I've been journaling my food and drinking a ton of water. If you look at the food...it's not the best, and I realize that. But I'm happy with being aware of eating smaller portions and getting into the habit of journaling. I've also taken some harder steps yesterday dealing with wanting to snack more because I think I need it, but held off because I knew my body wouldn't benefit from it.

I had an interesting trip to the store yesterday that I hope to use each time I have to go there. I had a very short list of 3 things I had to pick up yesterday. I went after school around 4 or so. One of my worst times food and craving wise. I walked in there going...hmmmm...I could get some of these too...and maybe one of these....and maybe a package of these! So I'm walking around, thinking of ways to add to my list (of things I DON'T need) and I look around while I'm walking. I swear, I must have noticed about 4 or 5 big ladies also getting some shopping done. Ya'll...it was like looking into a mirror while I was shopping. Best therapy I could have had yesterday. I walked around that store, picked up the 3 things I needed, went to check out and left. Yay me!

My Path

Path, journey, road, whatever you want to call it. We are all on one. Leading us here. Taking us there. Journeys on the way to a final destination or goal. Many people, esp. women, but men too, are on a path to lose weight. there are a variety of reasons that brought us to this particular journey, but the end result is the same - weight loss. We each have our own path to take this journey, and our own mode of transportation (motivation).

I announced my own journey down this path yet again, last week. Wrote a nice blog with just the right emotion and conviction - "Here I go!" Got everyone to believe it...even myself. The kicker is I have yet to take a single step!

I don't know what's stopping me. I know this path well. I've been up it, down it, all around it, but lately, mostly I've been off it. Not too far off, just enough. My bags are packed, I've made my announcement, but I am frozen in place. I just can't take that first step.


That is, until today. I realized I was using the stress in my life (and there is a lot of it at the moment) to hold me in place, and using all the excuses I could think of to justify starting at another time when there was less stress. how can I expect to manage my eating in less stress times, if I can't do it now? I also realized I wasn't looking at taking steps, but leaps and bounds down the path to get to my goal as quickly as possible....but that's not realistic.

So, here I am. Sunday. A good place to start new and take the first step and keeping going on step at a time. Steps 1-3 are actually ready to go - A sensible breakfast (and lunch and dinner), journal my food, and drink water. When that is all finished, I'll start taking more steps. I am sure that not all steps are going to be easy, and some of them will probably be in the wrong direction :P No matter what, I will keep taking one step at a time.

What's wrong with me?

I feel disconnected and discombobulated. I can't focus worth nothing and it's a crazy day here in my class. I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe it's my anxiety or maybe it's just stress finally getting the better of me. I sincerely have issues concentrating today. I can't focus on my kids, my lessons or my treasurer duties. I'm going to stay with my dad tonight and worried about the monstrous guilt trip he's laying on my mom because she needs to get out and have a break from everything. There's so much I want to scream and shout and yell at him about, yet I really don't feel it's my place to do so. I think it's really taken over and may be the cause of my lack of concentration and lack of caring concerning my job today. I don't know how to get over it.