How did this happen?

How did I let my emotions become so completely intertwined with food???

More importantly, how do I stop it?

It probably happened slowly, over time, without me even noticing it. I mean, it's food! It's alive, but it doesn't have a soul. It shouldn't have this kind of power over me. It literally can determine whether I have a bad day or a good day. Feel good or feel guilty. I'm either a bad person because of what I eat or a good person because of what I didn't eat. I mean, it's food! It has one purpose in life - to nourish our bodies. And yet for me, it has become so much more than that. How did this happen? Why did this happen? But what really stumps me is how to stop it. I am at a complete loss as to figure that out. There have been so many times I think I'm on the right track, but there's something that holds me back, prevents me from moving forward. I make a few wrong choices and my emotions head south and I just want to eat more to cover up those emotions. It has to stop, I just don't know how.

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What a morning. I hate McDonalds. I hate that I go there and eat their food. I hate that I feel the way I do. I hate that I feel bigger and bigger every day. I hate it. I hate my actions. I hate my inactions. I hate that I just took out my fall/winter clothes and they are too small. I hate that these pants are too tight for me and I feel so uncomfortable. I hate that I am alone. I hate that I feel bloated from the breakfast I ate this morning. I hate that other people have found someone special and that I don't have anyone right now. I hate that I'm stuck. I hate this. I hate the wall. I hate that I feel powerless to do anything about it. I hate it. I hate that the scale stays in the 290's which is higher than I've ever been before in my life. I hate that I have so many wonderful people to support me and yet I feel as though I let them down time and time again because as bad as I want it, I have been unable to do it. I hate feeling guilty. I hate feeling depressed about all of this. I hate my weaknesses. I hate my lack of control. I hate feeling different. I hate feeling like an outsider. I hate not being able to do things anymore because I'm too flippin obese. I hate my lack of discipline. I hate not knowing how to overcome this. I hate knowing what to do and yet not doing it. I hate it.