November 20, 2008

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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

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What a morning. I hate McDonalds. I hate that I go there and eat their food. I hate that I feel the way I do. I hate that I feel bigger and bigger every day. I hate it. I hate my actions. I hate my inactions. I hate that I just took out my fall/winter clothes and they are too small. I hate that these pants are too tight for me and I feel so uncomfortable. I hate that I am alone. I hate that I feel bloated from the breakfast I ate this morning. I hate that other people have found someone special and that I don't have anyone right now. I hate that I'm stuck. I hate this. I hate the wall. I hate that I feel powerless to do anything about it. I hate it. I hate that the scale stays in the 290's which is higher than I've ever been before in my life. I hate that I have so many wonderful people to support me and yet I feel as though I let them down time and time again because as bad as I want it, I have been unable to do it. I hate feeling guilty. I hate feeling depressed about all of this. I hate my weaknesses. I hate my lack of control. I hate feeling different. I hate feeling like an outsider. I hate not being able to do things anymore because I'm too flippin obese. I hate my lack of discipline. I hate not knowing how to overcome this. I hate knowing what to do and yet not doing it. I hate it.

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