Week one is not over yet...still training

OK, because of the rain last night, I did not go out and walk. With everything else going on this week, it's hard to find the time as well, but I did get one mile on my gazelle. I know it's not the same as actual walking, but it felt good anyway. Today is supposed to be cross training, so I'm going to move furniture around in preparation of my friend moving in with me. Some friends and family are coming over to help me with the heavy stuff and I'm getting them pizza for their efforts and time. This weekend the training consists of walking 3 miles both Saturday and Sunday. It's going to be a bit chilly, but no precipitation forcasted, so I will bundle up and hit the walking trail both days to get my time in.

I'm still trying to get in touch with the guy who railroaded me Monday night. Every night I try and call him and I freak out! I get so upset, I want no contact with him at all, but there's no getting around it, I have to do it. I will take care of it this weekend, one way or the other and stop being so silly about it.

Training week one continues

What a week this has been...what a rare mood I'm in...and I'm not in love either :P It's been a crazy week of school, work, training, and my friend moving in. And it hasn't had a good effect on my eating either. Just last night, I freaked out because I have to get some information to someone about treasurer stuff. A person who completely humiliated me at our meeting Monday night. Instead of just dealing with talking to him, I went through the drive through at Wendy's, got enough food for about 2-3 people and stuffed my face when I got home. Fell asleep on the couch at 8:30. I have to talk to him, but I'm so upset by what happened, I'm finding it very difficult. Now that I have a better understanding of how I am feeling (last night I was tired and not thinking much at all), I will be ready to talk to him tonight and fend off any distractions and just get the whole unpleasant experience over and done with.

The working out part has been good though. I borrowed my sister's Wii Fit to see if I wanted to invest in one myself and have been getting about 10 min a day on it and because it was so nice last night, I did a 1.2 mile walk around the neighborhood, in addition to a little time on my Gazelle. Tonight will be rain so I will be on my Gazelle - hopefully for a longer time this time, and getting the house ready for my friend to move in this weekend.

Well, I hear my students coming, so I better get going. Peace out.

Training...week 1

In 24 short weeks, my team and I will be walking in the 3 day walk for breast cancer. This first week, I will need to be walking. They recommend 4 days of 3 miles each day, but I know I'm not ready to do that. they also recommend some cross training one of the days, which isn't a big deal.

The food still is not where I want it to be (aka I had BK for breakfast this morning). Classic case of horrible meeting last night and I let it carry over to my choice for breakfast this morning. I will not let the rest of the day be dictated by my emotions...that is my goal for today.

Right now I'm just trying to take my mind off the meeting last night and concentrate on the day ahead and lesson plans. I'm about ready to give up my position as treasurer of my congregation because I don't think I'm the right person for the job anymore. I just can't handle all the work in addition to just regular life stuff. We'll see. I'll be praying.

A poem

it doesn't have a name, hence the lame title of the blog...lol


Reaching,
Reaching.
Deep down inside of me
Further than I ever have before.
Down through my head.
Past my brain thinking destructive, but sometimes good, thoughts.
Past my throat stuffed with food and cold water.
Past my heart, beating strong and working hard to keep this large body alive
Past my lungs breathing hard as I go up the stairs.
Past my stomach, growling in frustration and quivering with anxiety.
Off to the right I see a very faint glow and I know that’s where it is.
As I turn toward the glow, I see that the way is blocked.
Globs of fat and tentacles of fear start to grab at me as I try to get closer to my destination.
Holding me, digging in, begging me to stop now and turn away.
I keep going.
The faint glow grows brighter until I can finally see the object settled snuggly in the wall of fat, barely visible.
It is bright, but doesn’t hurt my eyes.
It is not very large either, only the size of a stone.
I stand there gazing at it longingly with the tentacles of fear holding me tight in place.
So close, yet unable to reach for it, right in front of me.
Slowly, I start to raise my arm, struggling against my restraints.
Feeling my movement, the fear digs in more and holds fast to me.
But it is no match for me now.
I reach out and carefully pull the stone out of its resting place.
There was but one word etched on the stone.
Determination.
Even though it was cool to the touch, I could feel a warmth starting to spread throughout my body.
It calmed the anxiety and quieted the destructive thoughts, one by one.
It urged my arms and legs to move forward.
It opened my eyes to the path in front of me.
It destroyed the unfound fears that used to suffocate me.
And as the determination grew inside me, two more stones appeared: purpose and peace.
I knew what was before me and I was ready to face it.
I could move forward and achieve those things which in the past had eluded me.
I was ready.
I was determined.
I had purpose.
I have peace.

No more January

January was not a good month. It was very stressful and I am glad it is over. It did end on a good note though: I am back to 15lbs lost from my highest in September. I know I haven't been blogging, but I haven't been journaling either, but I am hoping to get back to both. It really helps with things.

An update from the last month:

Work/school has been very stressful. My position as treasurer of my congregation hasn't been going well. Not to mention, we don't have enough money coming in to cover all the expenses and there is serious talk of closing the school. We are in debt and last year we were not able to meet expenses...a number as big as our debt. I enjoy working here, but I've been having issues with some people around here as well and it hasn't made for a good work environment. The only shining part is my students. I have the best behaved students this year and teaching them has been a joy! Now that W2s are done, its time to start concentrating on getting the yearbook done. We also have our social studies fair and open house tomorrow night...praying for new students for next year....

Working out/eating hasn't been too bad. I did not reach a personal goal of walking on my gazelle for 10 min everyday, but I am still aspiring to it. I've also made a goal for February: Fast food free! I've been wasting so many calories and money to those places lately, it's time to cut it out for a while. I also got a Wii...maybe going to get a Wii Fit to get some workouts in and track my progress. This past weekend has had some mini binges...not gorging myself, but eating beyond what is necessary. My anxiety is up but I think it's because of everything at school and dealing with my own demons.

I just recently read this book over the weekend by a psychiatrist who specializes in helping people overcome eating disorders. Among other things he uses mental imagry to help his patients overcome certain obstacles in their eating patterns. It has really got me thinking this weekend about the reasons I eat and the fears that are keeping me fat. I think that is also what has my anxiety up this weekend. Getting past those fears might take some work, possibly by a professional.

I will go more into those later, but for now, it's time to teach. Hope everyone has a good monday :)