Shaken and stirred

Last week I faced a crossroads and had to make a choice on where my life was going to be heading (food wise). On Saturday my friend helped to convince me not to go for the burger and fries at Flugtag and ever since, I made my choice to move off my previous path and on to better portion control and better choices and I've been feeling great ever since. Great..heck, I've been wonderful! I feel hungry and yet I know I can get past it and eat what is best for me and not having food control me anymore has been a natural high that I never want to get down from.

Today, I made a small slip. I knew what I was doing with those baked lays, it wasn't a huge one, but not part of my plan and so I indulged in several servings of them, threw the bag away and thought there...what's done is done. It tasted good and I felt better and was ready to move on. My unconscious had another idea. My cabinet here at school is stacked with snacks for my students for this month...including one of my faves....cracker sandwiches with pb and some with cheese. One very, very brief thought entered my head about grabbing some of those crackers and running for the border. Lasted all of about 5 seconds, but shook me up for better part of an hour. I was so shocked by this thought that it threw me off balance and out of sorts for the rest of the morning. By the time I went down to lunch (sans the chips I had set aside for lunch time), I was feeling more like my normal self. (Note: I did not grab the crackers, but my apple instead and munched on that). For lunch, I had my salad, half sandwich, pears and milk. The interaction with the other teachers distracted me long enough and by the end of lunch I was much better.

Even now, as I write it, it sounds ridiculous to me that one little thought should have such a violent reaction, but I remember it very vividly how strong it was. Since Saturday, not one thought like it has entered my head and I've been very happy without them. Maybe I needed the reminder not to let my head get too far in the clouds, remember what got me here in the first place, and how to stay away from it in the future. I ate those chips for the wrong reason and I should know better than to treat food like that.