Oxymoron

Well, I did it! I finished this week and met my exercise goal every day! I walked every day and did my strength tape every other day. Yesterday and today I even did my Core Rhythms DVD as an added bonus. My eating is still not where I want it to be, but I'm working on my portion control.

Next weeks goal: Walking 1 mile every day. Strength tape every other day. Walking extra mile on non-tape days.

I was thinking on my walk today on how I have finally arrived at this point in my life in which I am able to make some of these changes. The main thing was...I had to finally realize how much I love and accepted myself as I was. Then, I could change. I struggled for years...knowing how to lose weight, but unable to come around to doing the things I needed to do to reach that goal. I couldn't even force myself to accept myself (I tried that too!) and I couldn't figure out the final piece to the emotional puzzle of being so big. After much praying and thinking about it, I have come to a place where I totally and completely accepted myself. I was so tired of feeling bad for the choices I make that I just said screw it! I am gonna do what I want to do and be happy with myself no matter what I choose. That acceptance finally allowed me to start making choices that were better for my health (ok, maybe not *all* the time), but even when I eat the pretzels with salsa con queso, it's ok. I eat the amount I want and then put it away. The emotional binging seems to have diminished greatly (it's not totally gone and maybe never will be) and it's such a relief off my shoulders. It's the piece of the puzzle that eluded me for so long.

So far though..it's been pretty easy. I've been on summer break. No students to deal with, no getting up and driving an hour every day to and from work, no coming home feeling too tired to cook. Next week, school starts and so does a new routine. I am going to have to find a good time to get my walks in and other work out, but because it's starting to become important, I must make time for it. I'm going to have to make sure I prepare my meals and prepare for my meals so I'm not "oh I'll just run by BK on my way home because I forgot to bring my dinner". OK, so I may do that once or twice, but I don't want it to be the norm.

That's the key. Plan the work. Work the plan. As long as I plan, I will keep moving forward.