Hope

Anyone play poker? You know when you have a really good hand and you know you can beat the odds. You are so confident in your hand that you are even willing to go "all in"? You are willing to bet everything that you can win it all. Now, the chances are there that you might not make it, but you are willing to chance it. I'm there. I am ready to go all in. I am ready to put it all out on the table and give it all I've got so that I can win the pot in the middle of the table. The only thing I've got to lose is weight.

I wish I could say I had finally come to this realization on my own, but I didn't. Through a long conversation on Thursday and an even longer one on Saturday, my friend helped me realize something I had never held for myself: hope. He's a bit of an extremist, and doesn't fully understand losing weight, but throughout our talk, he convinced me that I have everything possible within me to make this happen. Recently, I had come to the happy conclusion that I was not making decisions that made me happy and making myself feel guilty for things that I enjoyed doing, and so, decided to stop doing such things and beating myself up. Having crossed that emotional hurdle, this conversation, while at times quite frank, was so good for me. Not only did we talk long enough that I didn't go over to the concession stand for a hot dog or burger, but convinced me that indeed, I would survive if I didn't get anything. We ended up leaving soon after and getting something healthier to eat somewhere else. Honestly, I'm not sure exactly how he did it, but he gave me so much hope, that even though it's going to suck at first learning new portions, that I could do it. As much as I hoped this for myself, I don't think I ever fully believed that it was possible for me to literally be half the person that I am now. What an empowering thought!

**Edit**

I don't mean to leave out all those wonderful people who have supported me over the years while I wrestle with my weight. My family and my friends and online friends have been great and very supportive! Without them, I wouldn't have kept going for so long, I probably would have given up! Maybe it was just the right time for me, and he just said the right words at this time that they had such an impact on me.