Free falling - HYC check in

yeah I'm free! Free Fallin'!

But I'm definitely not happy about it.

Routine. Being prepared. 2 things I crave to be successful. 2 things I do not have this week. I feel like I am flailing around, trying to grasp onto something and failing. Even if I do manage to grab hold, I lose my grip. this sense of free fall is extremely scary but only sends me faster and faster toward the bottom. I HATE THIS FEELING! For the better part of 2 weeks, things were going great. The power I was starting to feel was intoxicating. I made decisions I wanted and desired. The scale and my body were starting to respond. I loved it. A few bad choices and down I go. How can I get a strong hold on the choices I want to make? Why does a little success scare me so much? Why must I seek failure? I have the power to do this and yet I would rather give in and feel miserable. It doesn't make any sense! I am so tired of feeling like this and whining and complaining and feeling powerless, when in truth, I have all the power in the world to make my body into something healthier.

Ok, enough of that sh*t. I have started walking again. My knee is feeling much better from last week (although I still need to see the doc) and the last 2 mornings before school I've done my mile walk. I'm still not walking right and it feels weird, but I am happy to be walking.

Goals for this week: Get myself to the store, prepare my menu to the choices I want to make and they will be easier to make. Keep up the walking on these gorgeous fall mornings :)